Wednesday Randomness: Dealing With Unsupportive People

Oh, friends, it’s been a while… And this topic…how appropriate for it to be the one I come back to. Seriously.

It isn’t only the blog that has been neglected. Oh no. We won’t even say how long it’s been since I wrote. Mostly because of things out of my control. What does that have to do with unsupportive people? Well, stay with me here. I’ll get to it in my roundabout, rambly way, I promise.

Now, we all know that…

writingshardThis is not a secret. Add in not getting support… The difficulty grows exponentially.

I consider myself pretty lucky, to be honest. I don’t have anyone in my life – the people I love and trust – who is overtly unsupportive of what I do. I don’t have anyone who deliberately sabotages me and my writing. My problem is when the lack of support is unintentional. Completely inadvertent and mostly, I believe, unconscious.

For me, what kills my writing – and what I see as not being supported – is when everything else, everyone else’s needs trump mine and comes before the career I’m trying to build. Lately, I just haven’t found time to write. And it’s not an excuse. I work two other jobs, in addition to any family stuff. My hubs has been traveling a lot from work and has been overseas, so i’ve been solo parenting often. And one of my kids is graduating in…*glances at the calendar*…8 days. Which means graduation party, out of town guests and all that jazz. Lately, I’ve considered myself lucky if I get a shower that isn’t rushed, never mind having time to sit down and write.

And I’ve found that no one questions this. Or even notices. When I shared with loved ones how long it had been since I’ve written – ppl who know how important it is to me – they were shocked and dumbfounded. Now, some of that is on me; I readily own that. I never say anything. Mostly because I feel like a whiner just thinking and feeling what I do, let alone giving it voice.

And when I finally did say something recently, and brought up the possibility of reducing or eliminating the other demands on my time, I wasn’t met with wholehearted support. Oh, it wasn’t as though those I talked to boldly told me I needed to keep doing what I was doing and writing wasn’t a priority. Not at all. But there seems to be this unspoken belief that writing is just something I do if and when I fit it in. It isn’t seen as an actual career.

A thought which makes me want to look at everyone and everything and be like,

Hugh I'm OUT

and then run away to just write and write and write.

Which I can’t do. I truly do own the fact that I played a role in their way of thinking. I put the other stuff first, too, because it was what was expected. If I didn’t treat my writing as important, as a career, how can I expect anyone else to?

So that’s about it, I suppose. I don’t know if the…lack? of support in my life is better or worse than if someone was actively unsupportive or sabotaging me… Either way, I’m working on getting back to what I love. Making some hard decisions and difficult changes that allow me to do that. And hopefully in doing that, I’ll show how important it is and find the support that I honestly do think the people in my life want to show.

It all starts with me, I suppose. Scary thought.

Bronwyn Green | Jessica De La Rosa