Warning – some brutal freaking honesty ahead.
My hopes for September being a bit calmer and allowing me time to write, were dashed pretty damned quick
I’m not going to go into a ton of detail because this isn’t the place for that – but life isn’t cooperating. Seems as though as soon as I start to get things on an even keel, something rocks it all.
Kiddos are all back in school – and the oldest has moved out (may have mentioned that in the last update…). Right now, my 10-year-old niece is living with us. She’s a sweetheart and honestly a joy, but it does make things a bit more crazy – especially at first. Things seem to be settling…*sigh* please let them be settling.
It seems like all I do anymore is run kids here and there and pick them up… I feel like I spend the entire day in the car chauffering ppl around. (I know running kids around may not seem like much, but doing it for school and work for my kids and for several of my nieces, the time in the car is ridiculous, believe me) And everything is suffering for it – my work, my writing, the house…
I don’t talk about it much, but I’ve never kept secret the fact I’ve dealt with, and still do deal with, depression. And I’d be lying if I said that the recent craziness hasn’t impacted me in that respect. I’m fine, though. Really. I know when to get help, and I won’t allow this to spiral out of control – learned that lesson a long time ago. But it IS something that is real and happening in my life at the moment. And even though, I’m working through it, it’s not always easy and it’s not as though there is a quick fix for it, ya know? After all, it didn’t get to this point overnight. Sure, some of the crazy stuff are recent developments but other things have been creeping up for a while – sneakily. I look back at my journals and blog posts for the past several months (heck most of the past year), and this isn’t a new thing. Amazing how blind one can be to something that is happening to them… Depression is a sneaky, sneaky bitch.
So… Long story short, I’m not going to look at what I’d meant to accomplish this past month, because I’m fairly certain I didn’t accomplish a single thing on that list. And I’m going to let that go – not dwell on it – because doing that isn’t going to help a thing.
As for goals for October – not really going to make goals like I normally do. Just going to promise myself I’m going to focus on self-care, doing what I need to do to take care of myself, and write. What that writing will look like – daily, weekly, whatever – I don’t know. I just know that not writing? That makes it all worse, so writing has to factor in somehow.
*Deep breath* So that’s it for me this month. Sorry for the ramble, but even writing this much down has helped. 🙂